Okay I know some of you are hearing the song Let it Go in your head the reason I chose this title is because I went through a great experience yesterday. I know as a Christian I am suppose to forgive, but for over 8 years I had a hard time forgiving one person I so much wanted to hold onto it, but the reality was I had some near panic attacks I got to the point where I would shut myself in the bathroom so that way I would not have to deal with the pain of this. I am not trying to preach a sermon to anybody because I believe that if you want to tell a story you need to be an example to others of how to do it. I can honestly say this was eating me up inside, and not once did I tell anybody except God how I felt because the reality is I didn’t want anybody to minimize the pain I was feeling, and I didn’t want anybody’s pity. I knew this was a journey I had to go through by myself to finally get it. I won’t say that I am a perfect person because there is no such thing as a perfect person. I will say that I am a better version of myself.
This is what I wrote to my group on facebook page about the wonderful feeling of letting it go. I will not say that whatever you are dealing with is going to be easy because believe me it was not easy for me. I was fighting it I so badly wanted to hold on to the anger because it was keeping me company, but the reality is that it was killing me emotionally, and then physically so here it is:
Sorry I haven’t been as talkative as I should have been dealing with a lot of worrying about things that I cannot control. Yesterday morning I decided to wage out the cost of What worrying about my future with my boyfriend is costing me? The categories I used were spiritually, physically, financially, and emotionally. Then I wrote a prayer out about it.
Later that day my boyfriend’s father came over and made a snide comment and I confronted him yes I did get angry, but I did not sin I told him that I will not be disrespected and that we needed to have a talk
I know this wasn’t my place to do, but I felt in order for my worry to go away, and since for 8 long years he has been part of the reason I worried it was time to confront him at first we were both hot heads, but then I shut the door on him the first time, and the second time he knocks on the door, and wants to talk I asked him two questions: Are you calm? And Are you serious that you want to talk? He answered yes to both. I let him know that I feel inadequate, and that does he know how hard it has been for me to hear that his son talks about suicide everyday? He goes Faith you could have come to me you didn’t have to be afraid I wouldn’t have hurt you, and I do know he wouldn’t hurt me physically I was afraid of him emotionally. He did say I was a good person, and from there I thought he was going to cry. In the restaurant he said I wish we would have talked sooner. I am sharing this story because this is an answer to prayer.
I will conclude this blog not preaching to you because I quite frankly hate when people tell me what to do I am stubborn no shock there to the people who know me and love me. I am writing this to inspire others that if there is something in your life that you need to let go of please do because if you don’t then it will hold you back from what your journey in life is suppose to be. I never thought that this healing could be so great in my life. I will encourage those reading this blog please let go of whatever is holding you back in life. When you deal with whatever issue it is you need to deal with then you will be a better person.